Sunday, January 31, 2010

Just a Really Nice Kid!

Until recently the majority  of my cab driving career was spent on the day shift.The company I was with at that time had a lot of school runs.We would transport kid's to and from the many schools in the area.This was generally do to a child being banned from the school bus for bad behavior, a child with special needs, or just children that were not yet on a school bus route.
One child who fell into the latter category,was an eleven year old boy named Brad.
Brad and I hit it off from the beginning,my children were in the same age range,and I have always gotten along well with kid's.Probably due in part because I am just a big kid at heart.
Soon Brad's parents were requesting of the cab company that I pick-up  him up on a regular basis.
Brad was one of the nicest kid's  that I had ever met.He was an incredibly well mannered and confident boy.
We would often talk about how things were going for him at school,and always shared a laugh.I gave him a free ride on his 12th.Birthday which he thought was just terrific.
I continued to take Brad to school right through his high school years,I was literally watching this lad grow up.
I often told him what a good kid he was,telling him one time "that his parents must be pretty special,because they had done a heck of a good job raising him and his two brother's."
Brad's Mom was a secretary and his Dad was a trucker,oddly enough the same fields of work that my former wife and I had once been in.

Brad graduated high-school and I didn't see much of him after that.The last time I saw him was about five years ago,he was in his early twenties,and was trying to decide on a career in either  the military or law enforcement.
It came as no surprise that he had become a fine well rounded young man.Who would no doubt be an asset not only to his future employer,but more importantly to the community as well.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Strippers Are Great Tippers


This past New Years eve I had the good fortune of  picking up two attractive  ladies who were going out to make the rounds of the various bars.
Both were already in a celebratory frame of mind when I arrived at their home.They were standing in the driveway having a drink,and wanted to know if they could bring their beverages with them.
Usually I don't mind people drinking in the cab at night, as long as they keep it out of sight--they often have them stashed in their coats anyway--but I try and limit this to beer cans,no glass.
As these two were drinking out of glasses I told them to finish them off or leave them behind,one of them asked if  I would like to help them do just that,and offered me her glass.
No thanks I replied "I think the cabbie is supposed to be the sober one."
As we left for the bar one of the ladies introduced herself as Candy (Imagine that) she was a stripper in the city ,up here in town to bring in the New Year with her friend Tara.
Candy turned out to be quite a character,kissing my cheek and holding my hand as we drove along,and at one point running her hand up and down my leg.She must be very good at her job I thought,I wonder who's going to be paying who at the end of this trip!

When we arrived at the bar Candy asked for my phone number. She wanted me to be her driver for the rest of the night, as she and Tara planned on hitting all the bars that evening.
That shouldn't be a problem I told her, as she handed me a twenty for the six dollar fare and told me to keep the change.
She was playing her role very well,and with tips like that (that was "tips" guys) I didn't mind playing along  at all.The fact that she was also incredibly hot looking never entered my mind...
Through the course of the night I had Candy and Tara three more times.Going from bar to bar and finally to a house party,the fare was never more then ten dollars, and each time Candy passed me a twenty,telling me to keep it.
After pulling in at the house party Candy gave me a very passionate kiss and a hug.She then asked If I would consider being her personal driver down in the city, taking her from club to club.
Knowing that job is usually rife with bikers and not really wanting to be a stripper's--or "ripper" as she referred to it--personal chauffeur,I declined, telling her that I couldn't use my cab for that job.
"No problem she said,you can use my car".Uh...well you know,this job keeps me going six nights a week,so I really don't have the time I replied.
"Well you think about it she said as she left the cab,and if you change your mind give me a call".
I of course did not call,but what a great night,I had made some money and had a lot of fun in the process.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Having An "Afare" In The Back Seat.

On a recent Saturday night I picked up a young couple at one of the bars.As I was driving them home  the guy asked "hey cabbie,can we have sex back here"? Ever the comedian ,I replied "no thanks bud,but nice of you to offer".He laughed and said "no not me and you, me and my lady".Sure I said "it won't be the first time a couple has done that.But be warned I told him,if you do,I'll end up writing about in my blog.No problem he replied just don't take any pictures.We all laughed and I dropped them off at their destination with out having to witness any back seat acrobatics.
But this did remind me of the night many years ago, when a couple did have a go at it in the back of my cab.
I had picked them up at a bar as well,and they were all over each other in no time.The young lady being the persistent one, telling the guy "come on, I don't want to wait, lets do it now".
Before I knew it she had hiked up her dress and was riding this guy like a rocking horse!
If that wasn't shocking enough to this rookie cabbie,the fact that this guy was married,and this women was not his wife,sure as hell was.
Worse still was that I had picked up this guy and his wife on numerous occasions in the past few months,and he and his wife had always struck me as an attractive happily married couple.
Apparently he had recognized me as well,as on arrival at his "hot to trot" lady friends home,he leaned over the front seat and said " you won't say anything about this will you"?
Yeah buddy I thought to myself, "I'm going to go directly over to your house wake up your wife,and tell her your a pig who just did a bar tramp in the back of my cab".Give me a break.
I told him no of course I wasn't going to mention "his ride in my cab",he thanked me profusely and gave me a generous tip.
Glad to be free of that awkward situation,I drove away thinking this job would make a great soap opera.

First Day Jitters With a Beautiful Fare.

One of the benefits of being a cabbie in a small town (with approximately 30 cabs on the road) is the repeat customers that you have, who often become friends.
Over the years their have been many people who I have gotten to know from their frequent trips in my cab.
One particular women has been a regular fare since my first day on the job,in fact I still remember the first time I saw her.
I was dispatched to pick her up at her home,when she came out to the cab,I remember thinking "my God is she ever beautiful" as it turned out she had a beautiful personality as well.
After getting in the cab and giving me her destination she said "you must be new",I am I replied,this is my first day."Great she said,well my name is Linda and you will be seeing a lot of me as I don't drive, and I take a lot of cabs."
That's when it happened...I started to stutter,I had just changed careers after 20 plus years as a trucker,and I was certainly not used to having a conversation with a beautiful vibrant women sitting next to me as I drove.
The more *Linda engaged me in conversation,the more nervous I became, with my words now coming out "bass ackwards".
Ten years would pass before I shared those first day jitters with Linda,I remember her laughing out loud and exclaiming "What,you must be kidding,I don't remember that"! Good I replied because it was bloody embarrassing.
Linda is still a regular with the cab co. and often requests me when calling in for a cab,she is married now with a beautiful family and her own business.Its always a pleasure to have her in the cab, as we never fail to have a good laugh at one thing or another...and of course now, far from being shy,she can't shut me up. :) 

*Not her real name.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.

Some years back I was fueling my cab at a gas bar,it was the end of another long shift and it was pouring rain.
I was approached by a guy who wanted a ride,he was just going a couple of miles down the road.
I told him "sorry pal,I'm done for the day,but I can radio in and get you another cab",he pleaded "oh come on man I'm not going that far, and I'm already soaking wet".
So being the nice guy that  I am ,I said "oh all right get in out of the rain,I'll go pay for my fuel and then I'll run you down the road".
I remember it was $50.00 for the fuel (ouch) and I quickly went into the store handed the clerk a fifty dollar bill,got a receipt and was back to the cab in 3 minutes.
As we were driving down the road this guy was asking me if the company provided us with a cash float,I said no the company does not provide us with anything,but now I was suspicious as to why he would ask that,but I was tired and just dismissed it.
He wanted out in a school parking lot which again raised a flag with me,so after he got out and started walking down the street I checked my duffel bag, which is where I kept a Tupperware container full of coin change.
The container with about $30.00 worth of coins in it was gone,"son of a bitch I thought, that prick just ripped me off " and considering the short time I was out of the cab at the gas bar,he was damn quick about it.
So off down the street I go in hot pursuit of  this ungrateful  thieving asshole.
He was about half way down the street by this time, walking along the sidewalk like he was just out for a freak'in stroll.
I pulled in to the first driveway past him, blocking his path, and confronted him about the missing money.
He of course denied any knowledge of the money container,and was about to walk around my cab,when I noticed a large bulge in the lower pocket of his cargo pants.
Whats that in your pocket I asked him,"its nothing man" he replied,so I told him "listen asshole give it up, or I'll have the cop's down here to pat you down".
He gave me this stupid grin and said "okay man I'm sorry" as he reached down unsnapped the pocket and handed me my container.
As I took back the money I asked him "what the fuck pal",I do you a favor and you rip me off ?
At this he reaches in my window with an open hand and wants to shake my hand "saying no hard feeling's eh".
Your a real piece of work I told him,"now get your hand out of my face and get lost".
I backed out of the driveway and drove away shaking my head,thinking its true...good guys do finish last.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Robbery At 7-11

The majority of our fleet fuels at our local 7-11 stores fuel pumps,shortly after I fueled up @ 3am this morning the store was robbed.
When I got home a buddy and fellow cabbie messaged me and told me about the robbery.Which got me thinking about two characters that I noticed sitting across the road while I was fueling my cab.
They were sitting on the steps of a funeral home and appeared to be watching the parking lot.This struck me as odd,the stragglers left over after the bars close, usually just wander the main street,not hang out at  funeral homes.
When I left the pumps their were still three or four of my friends  fueling their cabs,and these two guys were still sitting and watching.
So after getting home and reading my friends message I called the police,and they requested I come to the station and fill out a report.
Unfortunately I wasn't much help in giving a description of the two as I didn't get a good look at them.
But after reading my report the officer interviewing me surmised that these two individuals were more then likely the culprits.
To many people reading this their response may well be "so what, robbery's happen all the time",but actually where I live they don't.
We have minimal crime occurrence in our area,and indeed it is safe to walk the streets at any time of the day or night.
So this incident  was quite shocking to us,and will no doubt make the front page of the local papers.
I read an article recently that stated cab drivers and convenience store clerks have the highest risk of being victims of violence compared to other occupations.
I recall thinking that this  may be true of big metropolitan areas in Canada, and for sure in the U.S.A. where everyone and their Grandmother seems to own a gun, but up here,no way....I guess after what occurred this morning,my thinking has been a little naive.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Hide & Seek.

I was dispatched to pick up a fare at the local MacDonald's,when I arrived a well dressed man in his late thirties scrambled into the back seat.
"I'm going out to County Road 47,and I need to get there "quickly" he exclaimed.
No problem I replied, there is no traffic this time of night ,we should make it there in good time.
This is a good one I thought to myself,as I pulled out of the lot and gunned it up the main street,it will be at least a $40.00 trip.
I had only gone about three blocks when a police cruiser pulled in behind me and lit me up with his flashing lights.
"Damn" I said aloud to my passenger,I'm getting pulled over,"guess I gunned it a bit to much", I was startled by my fares response,"no he says,its me they want".
The police officer approached my window and as I reached for my documentation,he says "relax its your passenger that I want to talk to"
At this point he opens my rear door and starts to berate my fare in no uncertain terms,leaving him with the warning "this is your lucky day pal,I'm going to let this cabbie take you home,instead of me taking you to jail,don't let it happen again".
Apparently the police were behind this fellow on the highway,suspicious that he might be impaired,they were going to pull him over.
But he had deked in to the MacDonalds parking lot,parked his car and had gone in one door and out the other,which is where he had called for the cab.
As we pulled away this fellow almost wept with relief that he had not been arrested,"I'm a small business owner in the city he said,an impaired charge would have ruined me".
This indeed was his lucky day.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Deeds Speak.

When your dispatched to a residence in the middle of the night,and the person comes out holding a child, you can be pretty certain its a hospital run.
This particular night a young fellow came out holding a little one in his arms,he buckled him in a car seat,and off we went to the emergency room.
The child was unusually quiet,and I asked this fellow what was wrong with him,"he has a really high fever he replied".
Oh that's not good I said ,but not to worry, I'll have you up to the hospital in no time.
He then asked if on the way up we could stop at the local coffee shop,as he figured he was in for a long night,no problem I replied.
But as we drove along and he watched the meter click away,he said "I better skip the coffee,otherwise I don't think I'll have enough money to pay you the fare".
Tell you what I said,lets get your baby to the hospital and I'll go back and pick you up a coffee,and bring it into you,no charge.
That would be great he replied,so I dropped them off and zipped back into town and grabbed him his java.
I am a firm believer in the Golden Rule "do on to others as you would have them do onto you".

If They Only Knew.

It's a Saturday night, I take a radio call to pick up on the hill,a relatively new subdivision in our ever growing town.
Four attractive ladies in their mid-thirties get in, the smell of pot ,alcohol and perfume, permeates the cab,the girls are heading out for a night of bar hopping and dancing.
As they settle in for the trip across town,they begin to discuss the men in their lives,past and present,the focus being on which guy was better in the sack.
From a brunette in the back seat its her present boy friend Shane who really does it for her,though "he is a bit to needy other wise" she says.
She goes on  to  tell the others what a great body he has,and how he has to stay in shape for his job as a cop.
Now this get's my attention...a cop?...and his name is Shane? I think I know this guy.
So I have to interrupt and ask does Shane live on Parkland avenue?
Yes,she replied that his place,you have probably picked him up before,he takes a lot of cabs.
Indeed I have, I tell her that her man is one big, mean looking dude- I of course skip the part that he is also an obnoxious asshole when he is drunk,which it seems is more often then not- who looks more like a biker then a cop.
Ya she says "Shane is a tough guy, but I have him by the ball's" her friends all laugh , I chuckle and leave them to their discussion,thinking to myself,if the guy's only knew...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

No Sport Widow's In My Life.

I knew it was going to be a long trip to the airport,when shortly after leaving his driveway,my fare asked me what I thought of "that game last night"...uh what game was that I replied,"well the hockey game of course,the Bruins and the Leaf's,did you not see it he asked?
Well no I said,I'm not really a hockey fan,he looked over at me rather aghast and say's "your not eh...well how about football? Lacrosse? He went on to list a half dozen other sports,to which I replied nope none of the above.
I went on to tell him that actually I was not a sports fan at all,that really set him off,and now with a look of total disdain on his face,he exclaimed "MY GOD MAN,THEN WHAT DO YOU LIKE"?
Now with that comment he has started to piss me off, I'm getting the feeling that his implication is that I am some how less Canadian or less manly all due to my lack of interest in sports.
At this point I'm wondering how he would feel about me slowing down the car to about 60km,shoving him out the door,and seeing if he can do the "tuck and roll", again not very "sporting" of me...but an amusing thought just the same.
Dismissing that, I burst the macho bubble and went on to tell him how much I like books,women,kid's,dog's and that I have always been fascinated by the complexity of human behavior.
It was obvious I hadn't "scored any points" with that response, as he remained pretty much silent for the rest of the trip.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Fishing In The Crib??


Several years ago I was dispatched to a small hamlet south of town,to pick up a woman and her infant child for an emergency run to our local hospital.
I always dread these call's,I mean why don't they just call an ambulance.
When I arrived at the woman's house she rushed over to my cab with the baby in her arms,and exclaimed that the baby had a hook in-bedded in her head, and that she needed to get to the hospital as fast as possible.
A hook...I asked? What do you mean a hook,what kind of hook?
A fishing lure she replied,I was stunned to say the least,but I put my hazards on,flipped on the high beams and headed for the hospital doing warp 9.
I made the 15 minute run in record time blowing through red lights and stop signs(checking first of course that it was safe to proceed).
On arrival at the emerg. entrance I told her not to bother fumbling for money to pay the fare,but to just get the baby in there and worry about paying me later-or never-I didn't care.
I don't handle emergency's well at the best of times, let alone ones involving children,I was at this point about as freaked out as she was. 
I am a parent as well,and was always worrying about my kid's,though thankfully fishing lures getting stuck in their heads wasn't at the top of my "Oh my God,what if list".
Later on that night I was called back to the hospital to pick this lady and her baby up and take them back home.
The Doctor had safely removed the lure from the little ones head and thankfully she had not suffered any permanent injury.
On the drive back I quizzed the woman on "how on earth did a fishing lure end up in the babies crib"??
She was at a loss to explain,other then it must have fallen out of her husband's - a weekend fishermen- vest,when he had laid the child down in her crib for a nap.
Hmmm I thought to myself at the time...that explanation sounds kind of fishy. 

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Trouble With Tommy


Tommy came to work at the cab co. about 5 or 6 years ago,he was in Canada illegally from Louisiana,he was looking for a cash job in order to stay under the radar of Revenue Canada.
So my boss with his ever present distorted version of reality,went ahead and hired Tommy to drive the night shift.
Tommy was short and strong along the lines of "strong like bull,smart like streetcar".

I was working night dispatch at the time,and I was forever fielding call's from angry customer's complaining to me how Tommy had kicked them out of his cab...or worse had kicked their ass.
He was an angry young man with a wicked temper,and it didn't take much for a drunken fare to piss Tommy off.
One night in the middle of a snow storm,a drunk had said who knows what to him,but it was enough to have Tommy stop his cab in the middle of the main drag,pull this guy out of the cab,and beat the hell out of him,leaving the poor bugger laying in the street.
I heard from that customer and the cop's that night,but Tommy somehow avoided an assault charge.
This kind of behavior went on for months,we were not going to have many customers left,if Tommy didn't stop beating the crap out of them.
When ever I called him on his rather poor customer relation skills,his response would always be the same "If they didn't piss me off,I wouldn't have to punch them out"
Great I thought,I'm working with a sociopath,at this rate half the bar crowd will be limping around town on crutches.
The law did finally put a stop to Tommy the slugger he was eventually charged with assault,fined and court ordered to take an anger management course.
The course didn't seem to help him much,but it wouldn't matter for long, as just a few months later Tommy was dead,he had a heart attack as a result of a drug overdose.He was 32yrs.old.







Young Love Goes The Distance.

Back in the fall of 2009,I was dispatched to the fairgrounds of a small town about twenty minutes away.
It was the end of the season for the carnival workers, who had spent the previous seven months traveling the Province setting up their amusement rides.
When I arrived their were a half dozen lad's waiting for cab's to take them either home, or to the nearest travel connection,which in this case would be the City,about an hour's drive away.
So all of them were good money run's for the cabbies,but mine was a whopper.
I was approached by a young fellow who was desperate to get home,he lived in Bridgetown,which was a four hour drive away.
I was stunned,and asked him if he had any idea how expensive that was going to be,I mean we were talking a 378km. trip,
that would be $760.00 at the metered rate.
Well he replied,I really want to get home and see my girlfriend ,"can you give me a flat rate he asked?
So I thought about it for a moment,and said ok how about a $500.00 flat?
When he agreed on that,I nearly fell over...who spends that kind of dough on a cab ride!
Apparently a 19yr. old kid in love does,because when I asked for the money up front,he opened up an envelope full of twenties, and handed me 25 of them.
Great I told him,let's load up your gear and hit the road.
It was a great trip,the longest fare in my career as a cabbie,and all as it turned out was because this young carnie was ass over tea kettle in love, with a Bridgetown girl named Cindy.

Note:Names and places have been altered to protect this individual's privacy.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Dumb & Dumber!

My fare and I pass by three Police cruisers that have a car blocked in on a side street.
We both remark "jeez wonder whats going on there",they have one guy leaning over a cruiser patting him down,with another fellow talking to an officer.
I continue on and drop my fare at her home,circle around and head back towards the downtown area.
I'm not a mile down the road,when the dispatcher calls me on the radio to pick-up at 58 Bronte...I radio back and tell him I'll give it a try,but the cops have that street blocked.
Yes I know he responded,it was the police that called to have a cab pick up two fellows that they have detained there.
I think to myself as I head towards the flashing police lights...oh great send the two wing nuts with me, why don't they just skip go and take them right to jail.
I arrive at the address, two guy's get in and I ask where to boy's? The one beside me say's " well we just caught a break,I was yanked for being impaired,and my buddy Jake in the back was nailed for possession of pot and drug paraphernalia,they are impounding my car,but releasing us as long as we go straight home.
Bonus I say,you guys should buy a lotto ticket...so where am I taking you I ask again,well he says the cops told me I'm responsible for Jake tonight and to take him home with me.
So he gives me the address and I take them home,but on arrival the guy up front has a change of heart,and tells Jake to go in and that he will be back later after he visits his girlfriend.
This does not sit well with ole Jake,he starts freaking out,"fuck that man,we are supposed to stay together or the cops said they would lock us up!
His buddy replies "Jake just get outta the fuck'in cab,and I'll catch you back here later.
So we leave Jake standing on the corner fuming and I take romeo uptown and drop him off at his girlfriends.
The story should end here,but not for these two genius's,10 minutes later a dispatch goes out to my buddy Grizz in his cab, to pick up at the address where I left ole Jake on the corner.
Jake is determined he is going to sleep in his own bed tonight...the cop's warning be damned.
So Grizz unaware of whats taken place earlier with these guys drives him home.
As Grizz related to me afterwards,he had no sooner pulled on to this guy's street,when his cab was surrounded by police crusiers.
The cops got up in Jakes face and asked point blank "do you not understand english or are you just plain stupid?? (I vote stupid)
So he gets his last warning,that its back to his buddies for the night or jail,so they tell Grizz to take him back,and indeed they even follow the cab back to be sure of it.
We never did actually find out why ole Jake wasn't allowed to sleep in his own home.
But I know one thing for sure,if it had been me,and I caught a break like these two clowns did,I'd have taken the cop's orders.Got a good nights sleep and be up bright and early to meet him at the station "to shine his boots"!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Just Some Random Bitching.

Ah yes sitting outside a bar,waiting for some drunk'in idiots to jump in and "drive me nuts, while I drive them home".
Cranking my stereo up to the point of almost blowing my speakers out,grabbing the microphone so they can scream in the poor dispatchers ear,playing with switches or anything else they can get their hands on .
WTF I ask them "were you deprived of toys as a child or what?
 Then there is  always hoping I can pull over fast enough to get the puker's  out before they spray the interior of my car with their stomach contents.
Yes I know it goes with the territory of being a night driver,and yes I'm obviously glad they chose to call a cab,rather then get behind the wheel of a car,but the behavior of  these kid's (usually in the twenties age bracket) still baffles me.
Growing up in the city,my friends and I partied long and hard,spending more time in cabs on the weekend then our own cars.
Yet not once did we ever have an issue with the various cabbies,the cab was to get us from point A to B,we were not interested in the contents of his car,nor did we have any desire to disrupt any of it.
 Maybe its just me getting old,as I no longer have the patience for this new generation of "animal house".

Friday, January 8, 2010

Six-Pack in Motel 21


The cab biz always seems to attract a colorful cast of characters from various back grounds.
One particular fellow named Karl was no exception,he was a young man in his late twenties coming from a fairly well off family.
Karl was a good looking guy,well read with a razor sharp wit,he also unfortunately had a drinking problem.
He was on and off with the cab co. for a few years,working mainly as a night driver,thankfully he kept his drinking habit to his off duty time.
But through his problem with the booze he eventually became homeless,which is where motel 21 comes in.
In our yard at the rear of  the office is where we kept our fleet of cab's.
Cab # 21 was an old out of service Chevy that was scheduled to be scrapped.
Six-pack,Karl's nick name,as he was alway's carrying a case of beer under his arm,approached the cab companies owner and asked if he could sleep in the old cab.
The owner with some obvious issues of his own,as this was now the dead of winter, had no problem with six-pack taking up residence in #21.
I was doing night dispatching at the time,and on his off days six-pack would stagger in the front door,use the office bathroom,and then head out to the cab to sleep.
I often had the unenviable job of going out to wake him for whatever shift he might be working at the time.  
I was always afraid that after brushing off the snow and often having to wrench the frozen door open, I would find  him  dead from hypothermia.(the engine did not run)
But six-pack managed to survive that whole winter sleeping in what the rest of had now nick named "Motel 21". 

I happened to have Karl as a fare the other night,picking him up at a place with much warmer lodging's.
I hadn't seen him for a couple of years,and we had a laugh over his old residence.
He is doing well now, with a steady well paying factory job,a girlfriend and decent living accommodations.
I love happy endings.
.
Note: I have not used this person's real name in order to protect his privacy.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Rookie's Initiation To Driving Nights.


My first week as a Cabbie started in May of 1995.I was hired to drive nights as there were no day shifts available.
Though I was a little leery of running at night,I was some what comforted by the fact that this was relatively small town Canada,with a very minimal crime rate.
Things were going well and I enjoyed driving cab,but about mid-week I began to have second thoughts.
I was dispatched to a call that had come in from the Provincial Police to pick-up some guy's that they had pulled over on the Highway.
When I arrived on the scene there was a car on a tow truck,a fellow in handcuffs,and four rather rough looking dudes holding back two pit-bulls on thick chains.
I said to myself...self...this does not look fucking good! As it turn's out these are bad-ass guy's who's friend had just been arrested and had his car impounded.
These were not happy campers to say the least.They wanted me to take them about 30 miles north on the Highway giving me no specific destination.
I looked over towards the Cop with a kinda of pained expression on my face as to say"jeez officer,I don't want these guys in my cab,can't you take them all...you know a package deal".
Obviously not good at mind reading,the Cop directed the remaining four guys to get in my Cab.
One of them told me to open the trunk,after which he puts one of the pit -bulls in it and slams down the lid.
The rest pile in with the remaining pit-bull sitting on the lap of the guy behind me,I can feel the thing breathing down my neck.
They then direct me up the road into the country side,again with no specific destination,now I'm getting a little concerned.All the way up the highway they rant and rave on how to "kill that fuck'in Cop"
They then turn their attention to me and start bitching at me about the price on the meter.
We continued on out further into the country,where they had me turn down a gravel road in the middle of no where and told me to stop.We were surrounded by fields of corn and nothing else,I think great my first week on the job and I'm going to end up dead in the ditch.
The price on the meter at this point was $74.20....the guy beside me says's I want a deal,I'm not paying you that amount.I said sorry pal no deals,its not my cab,that's the amount I need from you."Shit I'm thinking,did I just say that out loud"? Duh!
He reaches into his pocket pulls out a wad of cash big enough to choke a horse,throws me fifty bucks and says's that's all your getting,now open the trunk!
I wisely keep my mouth shut,push the trunk release,they get the other dog out ,leaving the trunk open and walk off the road into a cornfield.
I don't even get out and close the trunk,I do a quick u turn,drive about a mile down the road,before getting out and closing the trunk.That trip was just a little to freaky for me.

Of Tattoos Tans,Pajamas & Addiction

The thing about being a cabbie in a small town is you see and get to know a lot of the regulars.
And over the years you see a lot of changes in their lives,one Woman comes to mind,I'll call her Angie.
Angie was an attractive Woman in her mid twenties,two kid's and a good job,but she loved to party.
I picked her up drunk on many occasion's,one of these times it was in the early morning about 5 years ago.She had lost her job and her kid's by this time in her life,and had been out all night partying at a friends place.Take me home Joe she said as she got in the cab,she was wearing a t-shirt and pajamas.
I glanced over at her and asked no time to change Angie? fuck it she replied I'll get my clothes later.
So as we drove along on this sunny morning she looks over at the tattoo on my arm and comments "nice ink Joe want to see mine."Before I could even answer her,she has her pajamas pulled right down,with nothing on underneath,with the exception of a great tan and a tattoo on her" upper" inner thigh.I kinda of gasped...and said Jeesus Angie its broad day light."Well she said what do you think? Mean while I'm looking around at the other cars beside us,wondering if we are going to have an audience.
Ya its beautiful Angie I tell her, now pull up your pj's!

As a foot note to this I was dispatched to a local motel about a month ago,I'm waiting out side the room,
when an older disheveled looking woman comes out and get's in my cab
I look over at her and said I know you from some where,she looked at me and said is that you Joe? Its me Angie.I hadn't seen her since the pj party in my cab-she looked horrible
and appeared to have aged
a good 15 years.As we drove out of the Motel lot I asked her how the battle with the bottle was going?

Not good Joe she replied,I have never been able to beat it.How sad I thought to myself as I drove her home,the bottle has taken another life and destroyed yet another family.

Frequent Flyer Discount?

Four of them pile into my cab,"Yeah take us down to the liquor store,a stop for smokes at 7-11, then drop us at 6489 Broadway". And hey driver one of them asks,how about a discount on the fare eh? "I mean shit man we take a cab everyday,you should give us a break"
I want to give the fucker's a break alright,but I'm think'in bones not money.
Its the never ending story I tell them,everyone wants it off the back of the poor prick driv'in hack 12 hours a day.Never mind asking the liquor store or 7-11 for a discount because your a frequent patron,you know what their answer would be,the price on the goods is the price you pay!
I spend 30-40 dollars a day for fuel at the local gas station...but jeez isn't odd that they never give me a discount.Nor does the mechanic who repairs my cab for $75.00 per hour ever seem inclined to offer me a reduced rate.
Are cab fares expensive? Yes,but so is your bottle of Canadian club and your $10.00 pack of smokes!
Cab's are a convenience,and to some a luxury,if you can't afford my services take the fuck'in bus.
This is my lively hood not a charity!

A Swinging Fare?

I was dispatched to a wealthy home in the country last evening.After waiting in the driveway for 7 minutes (thats 5 more then I have patience for) I went and rang the door bell ( another rarity for me,but what the hell its Christmas).An older Women answered and told me the fare I was to pick up was her psw,and that she had just fired her.She went on to say that this Women was a wreck and possibly suicidal,and that she feared the poor thing had gone to the garage and hung her self.She then asked me if I would go open the garage and check.I'm think'in this is nice,not only have I driven way out here for nothing,this old girl thinks I'm a fuck'in coroner.So after some initial hesitation,and a warning from the old girl to be-careful as the door is tricky,I wander over to the garage open it up...and to my relief my fare was not swinging from the rafters.I closed the door and of course in the process crushed two of my fingers,I literally screamed out in pain.At this point I can hear the old lady over at her door exclaiming "Oh my God"....I guess she thought I had found the missing psw.

You dropped your....GUN??

Some years back at yet another very ritzy country home I picked up a fare, a well built fellow who though not completely pissed,was certainly under the influence.
He wanted a ride into Town to his ex-wife's house as she was apparently having a problem with her new lover,this is in the middle of the night.
And my fare was going in to have a few words with this guy,at this point I hear the sound of Velcro opening up and he pulls out a pistol,saying "this ought to get the fucker's attention".
I'm like what the fuck!! What are you doing with a gun I ask? He explains that he is a Police officer on the Toronto Swat Team,and they are required to "carry 24/7".
I'm think'in maybe they meant when your sober...but eying the gun I thought that he may not be interested in my opinion,so I just asked him to put it away.
So he starts to fumble with it on his right side trying I assumed to get it back in its holster.
This is when I hear something hit the floor(I was driving a Taxi-Van) and I mentioned this to him,his reply was oh that was just my damn cell phone.
I don't think so pal I tell him,it sounded a little heavy for a cell phone,so I turn on the interior lights and sure enough there is his gun laying on the floor mat.
He picked it up and finally got it secured as we headed into Town.
Thankfully we didn't find his ex at home,and I drove him back to his place.
He paid the rather large fare for the round trip,and tipped me a twenty,mentioning as he got out of the van that he would appreciate it if I kept quite about our little adventure.
No problem there buddy I assured him as I made a hasty exit from his driveway!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Boob's or Cash?

Its closing time at one of the bars,I pick-up three ladies,two in their twenties,one in her mid forties.
All three are drunk the older one less so,they want to hit the McDonald's before heading home.
We arrive at Mickey D's the two younger ones go inside,the older one waits in the cab with me,the timer on the meter ticks away at 42 cents a minute.
The one in the cab with me watches as the fare climbs to $ 20.00,she goes in and starts screaming at the others to hurry up,eventually pulling both of them out and back to the cab.
One of the younger ones leans in my window with her ample cleavage inches from my face,and balks at the cost on the meter.I tell her she was in the restaurant for over 20 minutes,well she says ,how about I show you my boobs and you give us a free ride? I decline her more then "ample"offer and tell her I need the cash.
"What she exclaims,I have beautiful breasts,better then you will see at any strip club",her friend then pipes in "she really does you know,and if you give us a freebie I'll show you mine too".I tell them listen girls no offense,I'm sure all four of them are just lovely,but I'm really not interested,not to mention I am old enough to be your Father.
She responds "SO WHAT,YOUR NOT! Ah I think now there is sound logic...cash or the cop's ladies I tell them,its your choice.
So they all get in I drive them home and on arrival they are of course $4.75 short of the $24.75 on the meter.The older one apologizes,asks for my cell number,and promises to call the next day to arrange payment...I never hear from her.Trailer trash, ya gotta love 'em.