Monday, March 1, 2010

The Pepsi Slam

After picking up two punks at one of the bars, I headed up the road in the direction of the destination they had given me.
A block away the female punk starts freaking out on me,hurling non-stop profanity.She insisted I was going the wrong way.I assured her that the street address she had given me was in the direction I was going.I've been doing this a long time I told her,I know exactly where your street is.
This all fell on deaf ears as she continued her verbal abuse.Finally after another few blocks of this crap,I pulled over,and told them to get out.
To this point her male companion had been silent,and in fact he got out of the cab.She refused to get out,and continued her verbal barrage.
I had more than enough of this drunken bitch,and told her in a more direct manner to "get the fuck out my car!"
"fuck you" she says! So I tell her fine,I'll have the police remove you."Go ahead she screams,calls the cops ,I dare you''!
I reach for my cell and start to dial 911-this is when she decides to make her exit.Meanwhile I'm on the phone with the police dispatcher telling her whats going on.
I don't think I'll need the police now I tell her-they have gotten out of the cab.
They didn't pay what was on the meter I told her,but I don't care,I just wanted them out.
Just as I was about to end the call,the female whips open the passenger door and starts screaming more obscenities at me.
Then suddenly the guy appears, pushes her out-of-the-way,reaches in my car,grabs a full bottle of pop out of my holder and slams it into my face.
I shoot the cab forward with the door still open ,and he jumps out-of-the-way.
The police dispatch is still on the line,and I tell her that I have now been assaulted and to send a cruiser.
As I pull away from this crazy prick-he starts chasing my cab.He's now throwing whatever he can at the car as I roll down the street.I roll for a block and this maniac is still running full-bore behind me.
Finally I see in my rear view mirror that he has collapsed on the road.I turned at the nearest corner to put a little more distance between us, and wait for the police to arrive.
And arrive they did-they swarmed the intersection-with one cruiser pulling in behind me, on the side street,and the rest going after this jerk and his girl friend.
I was really impressed with the police response-they were just terrfic.They had these two under arrest before I had even given the officer- that had pulled in behind me- the details.
I was asked to go to the police station and give a video statement of everything that had occurred.
While I was sitting in the station,I over heard the police talking about the guy that had struck me.He apparently would not give them his name-choosing to cuss them out instead.
I also heard them dealing with the girl-she was all mouth, untill they told her she was being locked up for the night.She was suddenly not so tough-as she broke down bawling.
She was charged with drunk and disorderly,and would be released with a ticket when she sobered up.
The guy was charged with assault with a weapon,and would be transferred to a detention center.He will remain in custody untill he is brought before a justice of the peace for a bail hearing.
The detention center is a nasty place-I hope the puke gets to share a cell with a  large dude named "Bubba" who hasn't been laid in the past year!


  1. Whenever I've finished with a-holes like that, a little voice, a la Ringo Starr, goes off in my head, saying: "Life's rich pagaent". It may sound stupid, but it helps you laugh.

  2. You're a better man then me my friend.I admire your philosphy-but try as I might-I can't help despising these pukes.

  3. Missed this post, Joe. Cait mentioned it to me today. Glad you're okay and you wisely called the police. They are lucky you didn't get really upset and just lay the guy out. Take care brother.

  4. Makes me think of a black woman I had a few years ago. In my town it's illegal to ask non whites for money up front, city ordinance. She gets in, says she's going to the worst slum in town, and that her sister is going to pay for it when she gets there. I didn't ask for money up front, but you just volunteered that you don't have any, is that correct? Again, her sister is going to pay for it. Well, ma'am, if you don't have any money I can't take you.

    When the police finally get there to remove her from the cab, I'm standing next to the open drivers door, and very dramatically, so the police see her to it, she jumps out of the cab, honks and spits on my back, and yells, "This honky mother fucker won't take me because I'm black."

    The cops asked me what I wanted to do, and I told them I didn't care. She was out of my cab, that was what I needed. I never checked, but since she did it so dramatically in front of a cop, I didn't have to press charges. The cops witnessed her being disorderly, and making a racial slur, so the racial slur kicker on the ticket was a cinch.

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  6. Right on "RCD",thanks for sharing that.